A Mental, Physical, Emotional blog to a healthy life balance | Eboni W. B.S Psych; Personal Trainer; Certified Life Coach
We’ve all been there… your child has a fever, end of the fiscal quarter, you need to fulfill client needs, the house is a mess, your husband walking past reminding you of the messy house while simultaneously asking for dinner. You look at your phone, your gym partner reminding you that it’s leg day, your sister calling to invite you to a crazy fun club-filled weekend. You’re operating on 2-3 hours of sleep per night, but still seem to get nothing accomplished. Your nights turn into days, days turn into night, everyone seems to be doing fine but you. You can’t catch a break or a moment to breathe and when you do, your mind won’t stop going over to-do lists. How can people live like this?!? Can you relate?
Truth is… They can’t…
That used to be me. I’ve been burnt out from my passion of training. I stopped living my life. I was OBSESSED with being the perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect trainer, perfect perfect perfect. So perfect, in fact, I no longer was me. My husband complained I wasn’t fun anymore, my daughter would ask how could she help me around the house so “I could smile more”. I had A’s and B’s in my college courses, my clients loved me and the energy I fabricated right before classes. I was so obsessed with the idea of perfect, I forgot perfection does not exist.
So, the age-old mom question “how do you choose yourself or your business over your family?” Truth is you don’t; but you must shift your thinking. Become selfish in order to be more self-less. Schedule your time to yourself to fill your emotional cup. It doesn’t matter if it’s 10 minutes of yoga in the morning or locking the door, turning some music on, and painting your nails for 15 minutes.
Find some time to yourself AT LEAST 3x per week and to ensure its uninterrupted DEMAND IT, SCHEDULE IT, and BE CONSISTENT WITH IT. Tell your significant other you need some time to gather yourself and they need to take the kids. It may come across as weird at first, but communicate with them and explain why it will benefit other areas of your life. Taking care of yourself is NOT selfish, it allows you the mental release of stress to better function and take care of others, in fact it’s SELF LESS.
Schedule it! It sounds odd, scheduling family time; but is it really? If you’re like me and you work for yourself, deadlines can easily get pushed back, altered, they don’t seem to be as firm without a boss breathing down your neck. Shift your thinking! When that deadline gets pushed back, it’s not a warning from your boss, it’s a missed night of sleep you lose because your child has basketball practice, you must complete the assignment, dinner must be cooked; you know the list by now! Why put off tomorrow what can be accomplished today? Schedule your work hours, schedule your family time, schedule your spouse time. Everyone doesn’t need the same amount of time with you, but they do deserve the same QUALITY of you, so schedule it!
Learn to outsource tasks that do not need your attention to detail. For example, the kid’s laundry; if they are capable of watching YouTube videos and navigating phones with no assistance, then they are capable of putting up laundry! My daughter started at 6 years old, at 7 she started folding and putting it away. At the age of 8 she brought down her dirty clothes, separated them, folded and hung up her clothes. Now she is 9 and she can put her clothes in the dryer, unload the dishwasher, and wipe the table. Simple enough? The spouse (after communicating your needs) can do other tasks, such as bathroom duty, alternating school pickups, choosing one or 2 nights per week to cook (and clean) the kitchen. These tasks sound simple but these are the tasks we worry about the most as moms and wives. My daughter’s clothes are never perfectly folded but I accept her best efforts, his food may never be how I’d make it but I’m grateful and appreciative I don’t have to cook. Outsource small daily tasks and accept their best efforts.
So how do you balance out life as a mom? First off, take time out for yourself, then schedule your gym time, work deadlines, family time, spousal time, outsource and accept their best. Criticize their best efforts and take solace that your house is a home and filled with more love than perfectly folded laundry. Work your butt off, but show up and be present in the moments that matter most. You’re not “just putting food on the table”—you’re teaching your little one discipline, techniques to self-care, ways to self-love, while simultaneously leaving them a legacy if they choose to continue the business. If imitation is the greatest form of flattery, make sure they imitate your self-love techniques, your organizational techniques, your strive for greatness but acceptance of the fact that you are still a human.
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